


What Am I to You?

by ChartreuseMint



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Breathplay, Crack, Crossdressing, Established Relationship, Insecurity, Kinks, M/M, Mark Centric, Matching tattoo, Mutual Pining, Past!JJP, Piercing, Platonic!2Jae - Freeform, Platonic!BBam, Platonic!JackBum, Platonic!YugBum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChartreuseMint/pseuds/ChartreuseMint
Summary: Mark wants to be everything for Jaebum. Mark envies Jaebum’s special bonding with almost every member of their group, well except with himself.





	

 

JB. Jaebum. Im Jaebum. Or Imjaebongie as Mark once excitedly shouted out in front of their fans. That one was a slip which later Jaebum pinched Mark’s nose over it; as an excuse really.

JB is how Mark calls him mostly for the camera. Not Je-I-BI like how Korean would spell it, but Jay-Bi like how American like him would pronounce it. Jaebum is the name Mark uses to call him, to get his attention, and to have Jaebum regards him in more serious mindset. Jaebummie is what Mark uses in more private matter, like every other day when Jaebum woke him in the morning with a butterfly kisses all around Mark’s face that made him giggling sleepily and sheepishly.

But even Jaebummie is not as private and special as it seems for Mark, seeing that Jaebum told their Noona fans to call him “Jaebummie” instead of “Jaebum-ah”. Mark’s heart was dropped to the ground when he stumbled upon the fancam during one of his fans-stalking session. **Mark might be Jaebum’s** , _but does Jaebum is Mark’s too?_

 

#

 

 **“Awwwww, so chic & sexy hyung!”** and **“The best leader hyung!”** throw-comments practically describe much about Jackson-Jaebum relationship. Mark is still wondering of how Jackson Wang could make his Jaebum so easily ( _and sometimes unconsciously, to Mark’s dread_ ) accepts and even initiates skin ship in public. Mark’s observing nature went overdrive back then when he first realized this.

That time, it was still so early in his and Jaebum relationship. Their trust on each other was still so shaky, judging by how much deadly stare Jaebum gave whenever Jackson as much as breath in Mark’s direction. Back then, Mark felt an unfair amount of double standard on Jaebum’s part. _How could Jaebum allowed to be mad at Mark just because the management tried so hard to sail MarkSon ship, even named the corner after them?_ After all that was just for work, while it was Jaebum who clearly eye-fucking Jackson in GOT7 overseas fan-meeting. With his own consciences, without script to be obeyed, without management to answer to.

Jaebum dismissed Mark accusation by old-time favorite, “It’s just for the camera, Mark. Why do you even care? The fans are loving it because they finally get to see Jackson submitting to his leader!”. Jaebum’s lopsided smirk in full-blown display when he finished explaining.

Mark can’t believe it, he continued to spat furiously, “Okay, JB! How about that time when you kissed him during IGOT7 filming? Or when you let him manhandling yourself during Real GOT7 games? Or worse, during our group retreat, when you practically laying on top of his back, IN THE BED AND HUMPING HIM FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE?”.

Mark is well-aware his tone had gone from his usual deep bass into a higher tenor pitch that sometimes comes out to play whenever he is too excited, or too riled up. Mark is panting now, his breath coming in sort pace. He _still_ can’t believe Jaebum just stare at him like that. With Jaebum’s knowing glints that Mark totally hate why it looks so gorgeous on him. With Jaebum’s small but sharp eyes completed with that two _goddamn_ in-line twin-moles that so so _so beautiful,_ Mark wants to lick it right now.  

And that is exactly what Mark does next. He crawls from his bed end to Jaebum sitting position on the bedpost of their hotel room. Not the sexy crawls that sometimes he found in bad porn movie, but an excited movement of baby in their first crawls, sloppy and fast. _Two seconds_ , Mark counts absent-mindedly in his still reeling mind, and here he is now, licking Jaebum’s very appealing twin-moles. Jaebum looks surprise, **_who wouldn’t_**? When your boyfriend attack you suddenly like that. One time Mark is spitting fire from his mouth, and the next second, the tongue inside that similar mouth is licking a hot trail below Jaebum brow-bone.

But Mark is not Mark, if not for his sharp observing nature. He knows that Jaebum loves to see him lose control like this. “It is the only time I ever consider to call you as a Hyung. My Mark Hyung. Because you’re so scary, and look older, and so hot whenever you combust.”, as Jaebum once revealed to him after a night of make-up sex that now Mark is totally not having a clue about what causing it.

Apparently the now almost 23 years-old Jaebum is not much different from his 20 years-old self, because Mark only manages to feel triumphant after his sudden attack for exactly _three seconds_ before Jaebum grabs his hand and rolls both of them over. Jaebum is now the one on top of him. Jaebum looks at him with annoyance, but his soft caressing fingers on Mark’s jaw betrays what his face trying so hard to portray. “How many times more are you going to repeat this Jackson non-sense, hmm? It is so not like you to feel inferior to Jackson. Or anyone in this matter. I know you Mark. I’m not some reporter that you could fooled off by saying that your Shyness Level is 100% in some magazine interview. I know for sure you’re not shy, nor you’re actually think I have a feeling for Jackson.”

“But.. But..”, _goddamn why Jaebum see through him like this_. Jaebum has stopped caressing his jaw, and nuzzling Mark’s neck instead.

“Really Mark? Jackson Wang? I have a perfect eyesight you know. You insult me. I’m hurt.”

 _Damn Jaebum, he knows I am weak when he is all cuddly like this._ “Stop! I know where you’re going with this. Not again! Listen to me, HOW ABOUT THAT TIME WHE…….”.

 **Lost.** Mark is lost again. Jaebum cuts him off. No, the more precise explanation should be, Jaebum’s lips shuts Mark’s rambling mouth off. Mark sees it coming of course, _remember his observing nature?_ The kiss is Jaebum’s go-to distraction moves whenever Mark brings Jackson’s issue up. Sometimes the kiss would be as soft as a virginal Junior High School typical peck. Sometimes as slow as if Jaebum has all the time in the world to tease Mark with his kitties kiss. Or a rather rare moment like today, Jaebum would devour Mark's lips like it had somehow offended him and roughly kiss him like he intends to punish. This is how Mark wants their relationship as. Mark wishes Jaebum stop treating him with such care. Mark wants Jaebum to consume him, like he is Jaebum's personal cheerleader and Jaebum can't wait to get into his pants fast enough. The title for Leader Personal Cheerleader, _however_ , is Jackson's to hold since a long time ago. Even their fans call Jackson as Jaebum’s number one fans. A title that Mark wants from himself. He wants to be Jaebum one and only admirer, a position that actually a loss cause since they are, _in fact_ , an idol.

 

 

#

 

 

Jaebum is a perfect boyfriend. He is mixture of a prideful man, a cat loving softie, an arrogant dongsaeng who refused to bow down easily, and a caring hyung. _Yeah, caring hyung._ Don't get Mark started with this one. If Jackson is Jaebum's number one fans, then that _Twae Youngjae_ , who could barely saying his name properly, is Jaebum's number one follower or student or believer or WHATEVER.

 **Mark is so done with Twae Youngjae.** How that little sunshine, who unfortunately also his roommate and also a surrogate Mom to his Coco, could make Jaebum literally praising him ON CAMERA with proud smile of father and flying high score for EVERYTHING he does. Jaebum's proudness of Youngjae is over the top, like he is the one who is being pregnant, delivering, and raising Youngjae by himself. Jaebum would most likely give Youngjae everything if Youngjae so much directs that so called sunshine smile at him. And this is actually the original story of how Mark and Jaebum ended up switching roommate. Mark still remembers how nervous he was, _how hopeful,_ **_how excited_**. However, all he remembers mostly is the dread he felt back then, when instead of asking Mark to let Jaebum moves into Mark's room, Jaebum asking him to let YOUNGJAE sleeps in his room. _Where’s the logic?_

That fateful evening, Mark still cocooned within Jaebum's embrace. He felt fuzzy and drunk with how floating his mind was, though he didn't even remember when the last time he drank a drip of alcohol. Jaebum has this effect on him, **always**. _Did Mark already mention how perfect of boyfriend he is?_ Yes, Jaebum definitely is. At time like this, when Mark's wrists were still hurting because of how tight the rope biting his skin with every moves Jaebum’s sinful hips makes, when his lips felt bee-stung with how much kissing they did, when he was still in the head-space Jaebum brought him into while cutting off his air way during his final orgasm, Jaebum always seems to know that Mark needs a proper after care. And it is not Jaebum, if not recognizing an opening and snatching the opportunity to strike.

"Mark.. Dear? Are you okay? Nothing hurt too much?"

"Mmh, Hhmm.."

"Remember our rules Dear, give me a yes or no or a nod or a shake when I ask you something at time like this. Remember the last time you had that sub-drop?"

But Mark didn't care, he was too content, and too happy, and fill with so much Jaebum, that's all he ever _fucking_ need. So he just smiled at whatever Jaebum asked him this time, his Jaebum was so chatty sometimes, "..................................".

"Hey, listen to me! Come on Mark, don't make it difficult for me." _Uhh no, Jaebum does that whinning voice,_ Mark is just a sucker for every small thing that shows Jaebum is actually younger than him.

"I'm okay, don't twist your mouth like that, it's not a variety show. Pout is not becoming you, Im Jaebum. Actually can you massage my thigh a little? It is so tense after being held apart such a looooong timeehoaaaahm.. Please?" Mark was so sleepy now, it felt heavenly whenever Jaebum stroking his nape. He was about to doze off..

"Mark.. Can I ask you something? Promise me don't freak out?" Jaebum looked tense, _wow what a sight_ , Mark pondered. Jaebum was even stopping his soft caress in Mark's nape.

"Jaaaaebummie let me sleeeeeep.."

"Okay I’ll cuddle you and make sure you sleep soundly after this Dear, but hear me out first."

"Hmm.."

"It's about our room arrangement in dorms.."

 _That's it_ , Mark thought. _This is it._ This was the moment when Jaebum would ask him to be rooming together. _Finally._ **_Finally._** After _years_ and **_years_** of hoping, endless praying, and even paying some bribery for Jackson to stir a baseless rumor about annoying bugs inside their room, Jaebum will be the very first and the very last thing Mark seeing every day. Mark's hands suddenly felt clammy, and his heart right on his throat. "Yeah?"

"Can Youngjae sleep in your room? Switch him with Jackson moving into my room. Youngjae has been complaining about the humid weather lately, I want him to sleep better since he is still going to school and about to face his college entrance exam."

"WHAT?"

Mark already lost at Jaebum’s explanation after the word Youngjae. Only heard glimpse of : **Jackson in my room** and **want Youngjae to sleep better**. _WHAT?_ Mark was screaming inside his head. _Not only Jaebum wants TWAE YOUNGJAE to sleep better but to let Mark allows the human octopus of Jackson Wang sleeping in the same fucking room as his boyfriend. **No. Fucking. Way.**_

Mark was too tired to flip _the fuck_ out. _Damn_ Jaebum for choosing this weak moment to ask something like this. Mark was so not agree, but they say ignorance is a bliss. With a loud fake snore, Mark feigned sleep. **He was so done with Twae Youngjae.** He might switch room, but Mark will make sure that he would not sleep any better.

 

 

#

 

 

From the studio basement, Mark can see three pair of legs running uncoordinated. Bambam high-pitched wail and Jaebum heavy breathing while amusedly singing Hard Carry intertwine together. _Again._ Mark sighs. He couldn't count how many times that sound combination heard throughout this week, _this year even_. Mark should be happy to see Jaebum let loose like that. Laughing and smiling freely, without all his leader-ly responsibility lurking almost every time.

 _Bambam._ Mark notices, **only Bambam** who could make Jaebum in that unburden state. _Like the boy who sported toothless grin in his childhood bed._ The epitome of innocent captured in Jaebum’s child photo was revealed in one of the Dream High 2 episodes. _That toothless grin,_ Mark thinks, is what makes him fall for Jaebum in the winter of 2011. _That toothless grin,_ makes him want to uncover the chic  & sexy mask and reveal the actual man who grown up from the child in that photo.

Mark wants to be able invoked that kind of effect on Jaebum. Want to create an easy atmosphere within the two of them, where Jaebum could once again be freely smiling like the child in that photo. Sure Mark and Jaebum develops their comfortable silence atmosphere from the scratch. From learning and exploring each other and together. It is what suits both of them the most. Mark is naturally quiet, only speaking if the situation calls for it. Jaebum is the sponge type that absorbs and bounces back everything his surrounding offer to him. So with Mark, Jaebum also becomes naturally calmer. And Mark is thankful for that actually. He doesn't need to constantly keeping up the conversation topic like he is with Jinyoung, he doesn't need to perk his ears up being rambled on and on by Jackson, and certainly he doesn't need to actively find a small opening to diss Bambam whenever he is boasting himself. That’s why Mark doesn't understand why Jaebum could behave like that around Bambam, when Mark himself more often than not find _the little shit_ ( _a.k.a Bambam_ ) annoying enough for him to interrupt and diss on camera, something Mark's quiet self never did to anyone except Bambam.

Again, Mark’s observing nature comes handy. Jaebum-Bambam budding bro relationship was starting around the time of their first GOT2DAY filming. Admittedly and begrudgingly, Jaebum and Bambam episode was the most un-scripted and fake-free out of all Jaebum's couple. From that turning point, gone was the timid Bambam who often glancing his eyes to Jaebum direction secretly whenever he makes a joke or crash comment about their leader or Mark or Mark-Jaebum relationship. In the wake of the then Bambam, appears this new Bambam with a lewd jokes and teasing remarks about Mark-Jaebum risqué nightly romps that Mark admitted is half his fault for being such a closet exhibitionist and half Jaebum’s fault for being so impatient horny _bastard_.

"What do you implied Bam with "How do you know that i am not big?" comment. You're such a crowd pleaser, you _little shit_." Mark has abundant urge to say this on the show before, but since it was a live broadcast, _well._.

"Ahhh Mark-hyung, I don't imply anything, why would you questioning my innocence?" _Ohkay, so he wanted to play dirty, fine._

"Like I didn't know how your horny brain works with that much amount of _porn_ you've watched and the abundant of _dick_ pics I see in your phone!"

"Well, have you seen the pics one by one carefully? Because, I stole one of Jaebum-hyung’s dick pic from your phone. Had to collect it because the piercing is so cool. Didn't know you had it in you hyung~~"

With this, Bambam left the room, but not before throwing a slimy wink into Jaebum’s direction. And Mark be like, _"WHAT?"_

"Easy Dear.. Bambam was actually the one who encouraged me to do the piercing."

"How could you easily be coaxed by him like that, Jaebum, when I barely could lured you into getting our first matching tattoo? And even, why would you talk about your dick to Bambam at the first place? He is not even your close friend. You are not even liking him sometimes."

"Well, remember that time when I went to Han River with him? Had a little drink and he was so easy to talk to, actually very funny too. We just clicked. We talk about everything and laughing at nothing, in fact I never laughed that hard since probably during my 4th grade when I lose my front teeth and my mom mercilessly teasing me for how ridiculous I looked, even took a picture of me in her bedroom."

Mark's mind instantly flashed with that innocent toothless grin photo of Jaebum. Mark is supposed to be the one who could make Jaebum smiles like that again. _He is supposed to be_ , not Bambam, not anyone else. _Why wouldn't you laugh like that with me, at me, and because of me Jaebummie, why?_

 

 

#

 

 

Mark prides himself as a decent dancer, if not good or even excellent when you compare his dancing ability to some other boy group. His lithe body makes his moves more precise and sharp. As a blessing in disguise, his rapping part, which could be considered brief, allows him to focus more into the dancing throughout the song. He mastered Martial Art during trainee days, beating even the best dancer trainee at his age group to snatch the title "in charge of Martial Art Tricking". The best dancer at that time was, none other than Jaebum, and of course Yugyeom. Both possessing a different kind of dance specialty and both having come from street dancing background.

Before Yugyeom came along, there was only four dancer trainee in Mark’s age group : JJP, who back to being a trainee, and Jackson plus himself. Mark would secretly watching Jaebum practiced his dance moves and sometimes bboy-ing, while questioning himself if he would ever reach that level of suaveness and soulfulness in every dance moves he'll do in the future. The same level of where Jaebum was right at that moment.

Since he came to be a trainee in Korea, he never want anything more forcefully than being in the same level with Jaebum in term of dancing ability, so Mark wouldn't make a fool of himself if he someday asks Jaebum to be his partner during a monthly trainee evaluation. Mark _practiced_ , _practiced_ , and **_practiced_**. Day and night. Morning to evening. With a renewed determination, with a full vigor, with even bigger motivation then merely being able to finally debut. However, after all, a big effort will not go anywhere without talent that support your determination. _Months_ , _years_ passed with Mark always watching in the side and never beside. The mighty JJP seems always partnered up together for every showcase and monthly evaluation ‘till around the time Maknae Line joins the team.

 _What could have been worse?_ **Kim Yugyeom happens.** A shy and naive boy but silently a master in house dance and has a similar street dancing experience as Jaebum, which of course Jaebum instantly take liking in. Even Management and HR Trainee Development Team stopped pairing Jaebum with Jinyoung, and instead found a deemed-worthy partner for their precious Golden Boy, Jaebum, in form of Kim Yugyeom. With bitter taste in his mouth, Mark was being dragged along by Jackson to the basement studio where 2PM-hyungnim always dreaded to come back to. Mark was stuck with martial art since then. **_Mark was so done._**

"Don't sulk Mark, we know the H&R Team decisions always have been fair and square. Including this one." _No, Jackson doesn't understand._

"What's so great about Yugyeom's dancing? Why a newbie partnered up with Jaebum.. and Jinyoung? We always have been trained together as four!"

"Well, you know Mark. We are already so lucky Jaebum and Jinyoung treat us so well like this, scolding another trainee who makes fun of our accented Korean. After all, they are a superstar trainee who already guaranteed a debut, while we.."

"While we are just a lowly trainee, with no special ability or outstanding selling point. Yeah, I know Jackson." **Bitter.** That's what Mark's tongue can feel deep in his throat.

As times goes by, Mark already forgot about his initial bitterness towards unassuming Yugyeom. Even better, he deemed Yugyeom as his long lost brother from another mother, further declared both of them as The Tuan's Brother. Proud and happy with being called as Kim Mark and Tuan Yugyeom respectively. Safe to say, besides Jaebum, Yugyeom is the one that could easily know what Mark think about based on only his facial expression. He found himself talking more and more whenever it is only the two of them.

Mark feels very comfortable with Yugyeom. However, their now good relationship seems not completely erase the hurt Mark once feels, the jealousy he consumed with to have a smooth and brilliant moves like Yugyeom that capable to make Jaebum stare in awe at him. Like Yugyeom is a God. Like every movement that Yugyeom did is a precious form of arts, so it is a waste to even blink on its wake. Mark observed this from the side when all of them became a guess to support Yugyeom's participation in Hit The Stage. Jaebum even went out of himself standing several times in shock, and clasping in amazement at a lot ( _Mark admitted bitterly_ ) brilliant movement effortlessly executes by their giant Maknae.

After the first appearance, all Mark hear was only _Yugyeom this_ , _Yugyeom that_ , _how could Yugyeom move so smooth_. The statement which makes Mark finally stood up from the sofa then slammed the door in Jaebum's face was, "Wish I could dance with him on that stage!". Mark was irritated, _how could Jaebum even thinking about doing that level of dancing already with his still recovering back?_ While, _in fact_ , Mark barely restrained his libido, in fear of over exerting Jaebum with their usual vigorous intercourse.

Surprisingly, contrary to Jaebum being extra with his reaction during Yugyeom 1st appearance, Mark and Jaebum watch the final appearance of Yugyeom in relative quiet way. Both of them streaming the show through Jaebum's laptop. Too lazy to join others in the living room, even after being yelled by Bambam with, "Aren't you both already go at it all days? Quite it now before Mark-hyung becomes a preggo.". They ignore it and purposely making a series of indecent sound which Bambam responds with his signature, "EEEEWWW!".

Then everything becomes quiet, and even quieter when Yugyeom starts humping the floor to the forbidden-by-Jaebum-hyung American Sexy Dance Movement of Chris Brown’s Take You Down. Suddenly Jaebum utters in the smallest voice Mark doesn't know Jaebum even possessed, " _Damn_ that hips movement! Yugyeomie's lover must be well taken care of.".

 _That's it_ , Mark think. **Mark is so done.**

He closes Jaebum laptop, haphazardly places it on the floor. With a ragged breathing from his boiling blood, Mark flips Jaebum onto his stomach. Then proceed to dry humping Jaebum. Mark doesn’t stop until he hears Jaebum begs prettily, “Please.. Please.. Mark.. Please.”

“What is it Jaebummie, I can’t hear you?”

“Please, Mark, Please..”

“What is it Jaebummie, HYUNG can’t hear you?”

“Hyung, please.. Mark-hyung!”

With a spank to Jaebum ass, Mark lowers his mouth to Jaebum's ear to say, "Let’s see if you are still praising Kim Yugyeom after I’ve done with you, Im Jaebum!".

 

 

#

 

 

Mark is handsome. He is a catch for sure. Although most of the time, whenever the members would tease him about his GOT.in.bi status, he would put his poker and unimpressive mask out to play. He is confident in himself. He even volunteered to write down his real body measurement during Real GOT7 while most of his band-mates refused in being true ( _to themselves, and to the curious fans_ ).

He should be proud of his position as GOT7 best visual, but _he can't_ , **_he couldn't_** , because deep in his heart he knows Jinyoung is the perfect one. Jinyoung is pretty and handsome at the same time. Jinyoung is an excellent dancer who even choreographed alongside Yugyeom. Even, Jinyoung is closer height to Jaebum, making him at the perfect height for Jaebum to kiss comfortably. Mark is nothing. It’s just his face that save Mark from being completely loser next to Jinyoung. Have known Jaebum for close to 8 years, training then debuting together, also living together as a group of two, make Jinyoung the real threat for Mark. Added to that, being a friends with benefit to boyfriend to _deep friend_ ( _as Jinyoung label it_ ) in span of 4 years, makes Jinyoung as Mark’s _constant_ and _very alive_ and **_still very unbeatable enemy_**.

Being in Jaebum & Jinyoung’s circle of friend for the Friend with Benefits and Boyfriend phase, were equal to everyday suicide for Mark back then. Mark would witness the eye-fucking this two threw at each other. Mark would heard a strangled moan of Jinyoung breathy voice, "Jaebummie-hyung please please please, I need you." at odd times of the night in their cramped dorms. Mark would spotted a love bites in Jaebum's neck that he had no intention of covering. And it bound to happen in a cramped space they shared, Mark would even caught them in the act. Of Jinyoung loudly riding Jaebum in their toilet, of Jaebum fucking Jinyoung inside a supply closet of their company building, and _what intrigued Mark the most_ , of Jaebum pounding a bend-over Jinyoung with red mini skirt plus killer heels in their dorm’s kitchen counter. Mark couldn't help but jealous. Not only because it was not him that being fucked so carelessly by Jaebum, but also Mark had to admit ( _bitterly!_ ) that Jaebum & Jinyoung make such a visual power couple. They look really good with each other, Mark didn't even have a heart to replace Jinyoung with his own scrawny image, _even_ in his imagination. They were perfect, and Mark is no one.

When JJP debuted, and obviously would have to live together as a duo. Mark only could imagine, that the two now had their own spaces and privacies to, _even more,_ actively fucking in literally every surfaces of their new spacious dorm. With the image of them gone from his everyday life, Mark started to imagine himself with Jaebum _more_ and **_more_**.

He didn't embarrassed to admit that he, _might be or might not be_ , being a silent voyeurs of JJP fucking one or two ( _or twenty, not that Mark counts it, no_ ) times already. He loves how Jaebum dominating Jinyoung, pin his wrist to the back, or make Jinyoung bite his own underwear to stay quiet, and how easily Jaebum being riled up by a coy and teasing Jinyoung. So, Mark learns. Learns how to be a _sexual minx_ , to prepare himself for Jaebum one day. Because he knows his time will come. _He just knows._

By miracle, almost like _Dear God_ salvages Mark’s torturous heart, the one year JJP activity didn’t make Jaebum  & Jinyoung inseparable and ready to be married at nearest opportunity. Mark still doesn't know what causing this perfect couple to break up and deciding to stay as friend exactly at the beginning of their second trainee times, but his hope was resurrecting, _a lot_. This was when Mark learns there are _much more_ hurtful thing over seeing your uanattainable crush _fucking_ your perfect friend in front of you. It is, how Jaebum and Jinyoung seems capable of reading each other minds through only looking at the others expression, or simple gesture, or by even GLANCING at each other! _How that it’s even fucking possible!_ It is certainly _even more_ nauseating than seeing Jinyoung covered in strawberry whipped cream with Jaebum licking it off him like Jinyoung is _fucking_ cake.

"We are go beyond best friend. We are **_deep_** friend.", as Jinyoung said year ago.

 ** _Yes,_** Jaebum is his boyfriend now. **_Yes,_** Mark is secured enough to say that Jaebum was never in deep with Jinyoung like he is with Mark. But every brief glances of confirmation _and_ every small nods of reassurance shared between Jaebum  & Jinyoung, more often than not gives a pang in Mark heart. _When will he and Jaebum has that kind of relationship? And if he ever will?_ Mark realizes that maybe Jinyoung will always have a special place in Jaebum heart. Now the question is, _how to occupy even a bigger place?_

Aside from his observer nature, Mark is very competitive. He had every games in IGOT7 Reality Show as testaments to that trait of him. Being in a group with your boyfriend and his _ex_ which now is his boyfriend’s _deep-friends,_ plus with the _ex_ being Park _fucking_ Jinyoung who notorious for his teasing habit, every day feels like a race to Mark. A race to beat Jinyoung at his game, or a race to one up Jinyoung in getting Jaebum’s attention. Because, Jinyoung, being a Park _fucking_ Jinyoung self, is a person you’ve never want to come across with. Just like Mark, Jinyoung is the observer type, in fact both of them like to have low-toned conversation shushing about whoever member they accidentally observed together in silent. But not like Mark who only secured the information for himself to know of, Park _fucking_ Jinyoung always use his observation’s finding for a benefit that works in his favor or to use as an ammunition against the said person. King of blackmail material, Park _fucking_ Jinyoung.

Obviously, Jinyoung is the first one that noticed Mark’s feeling for Jaebum since Mark fed up of hiding it after Jaebum broke up with Jinyoung. Mark wants his chance at Jaebum, so it is the time for Jaebum to finally start noticing him. Jinyoung catches the difference in Mark’s trait, within just a couple weeks. The fleeting glance, the hungry stare, the bite of Mark lips at the sight of Jaebum whenever they were sweating themselves off during dance practice. Mark was oblivious to all of this until that one time he caught Jinyoung’s eyes when he unconsciously starring to hard at Jaebum’s broad shoulder. Park _fucking_ Jinyoung locked his eyes, and _fucking_ smirked, all complete with the teasing mirth of that famous eye-crinkles. **Mark was so done** when Jinyoung cornered him after all other members trickling out that night.

“Well.. Well.. What did I just witness earlier?”

“Save your speech Nyoung. It’s not like what you think. Don’t make a baseless assumption.”

“Aww.. But I believe what I see, Hyung. Does our Mark-hyung want a taste of our leader too?”

“What are you even talking about?”

“Want to see if Jaebum-hyung’s shoulder is as sturdy as it looks? If he would be able to embrace you completely with his broadness?”

“Don’t talk non-sense.”

“Probably you notice Hyung. Jaebum-hyung was not able to do it with me back then ‘cause I’m nearly has a similar built as him. But Hyung is smaller. And don’t you remember the interview practice for ideal type question? Jaebum-hyung likes a petite lover.”

Jinyoung was faux-whispered the last sentences. Mark couldn’t help but blush. And stammered, “Why would I know? I even barely know you’re boyfriends back then if not for Jackson’s loose mouth.”

“Do you think I never notice you’ve been spying on us since forever? I think I might even caught you with your hands inside your pants while watching Jaebum-hyung fucked me one or twice.”

“…” _darn, I was not being as invisible as I thought._

“Your tongue tied, Hyung? Can’t talk?”

“…” _how I will be able to survive this._

 **And Jinyoung laughed.** _A coy laugh_ , looking at the way he covered his mouth while at it. Expression showing he looks really satisfied with himself for embarrassing Mark like this. Mark only grew redder and redder, fumbling inside his sweater paws. Jinyoung suddenly hugged him and whispered in Mark’s ear, “I let you know a secret Hyung, Jaebum will definitely love you in a skirt. He’s been gushing about how pretty and white your legs are lately.”. _That’s it_ , Park _fucking_ Jinyoung.

Since then, Jinyoung always mercilessly teasing Mark about his apparent lust towards their leader. With how much kinks that Jaebum into which Jinyoung whispered in Mark’s ear, Jinyoung had probably mistaken Mark’s feeling for Jaebum as a pure lust. _Well Jinyoungie, ain’t it far from the truth._ As much hell Jinyoung gave him back then, Mark could never thank Jinyoung enough for subtlety made Mark and Jaebum closer. Jinyoung was the cupid in their relationship. Being a bridge for Mark who had trouble in expressing himself and for Jaebum who was in his typical oblivious and nonchalant self.

But Jinyoung is not Park _fucking_ Jinyoung, if not impatient. Eight months into the courting and Jaebum’s dick is still not wet plus Mark’s increasing sexual frustration, were the last straw that finally snapped gentle!Jinyoung into devil!Jinyoung.

They were getting closer to the debut and the tension between leader with eldest hyung still haven’t resolved, Jinyoung finally forced their hand in some unassuming birthday bash for Mark’s 21st birthday. Jinyoung made Mark so wasted he even was not complaining when Jinyoung dressed him with a little black dress and wigs as a penalty for the drinking games Mark obviously forced to lose by design. Despite of his heavy head, Mark couldn’t forget how Jaebum expression changed from a goofy laugh into a loopy small smile when Mark stumbling in his own feet trying to walk into their new dorm spacious living room. The want reflected in Jaebum’s eyes was suffocating him. The kind of stare that Mark longing for Jaebum to see him as. The intensity of this revelation, of _finally finally **finally** , _Jaebum wanted him back, effectively knocking Mark into his own ass. He stared and _stared_ and **_stared_** when Jaebum slinked of the couch and walked towards him. Mark stopped breathing when Jaebum crouched down and on his one knees for balance right there, right in front of him. Mark hand shook to support himself from the blow of Jaebum small finger tracing lightly over his pitch black wigs, to his blushing cheek, his exposed neck and collarbone, continuing to the side-seam of his tight dress, and finally caressing the slim of his legs _oh so softly_. **_Too softly_**. This is the very first time Jaebum initiating a skin ship with Mark, and not so innocent one, looking at how the trace of his touch burned Mark’s skin with want. _So much wants_. Jaebum looked at Mark with _a lot of_ fondness and wonder in his eyes, the emotions were so naked and blatantly exposed for Mark to see inside the usually bottomless black orbs of his. **Mark was so done.**

"Pretty. My pretty Mark. My small Hyung. Bet you know that you’re pretty, huh? I always know your milky skin and petite frame would be perfect in a dress. Enjoy all the attention this outfit gave you as much as you can now, because you’ll not be allowed to be seen like this in front of others in the future. This is for my eyes only. _This sight is mine._ **_You’re mine._** ”

Jaebum lowly murmured that in typical mixture of Jaebum demanding and teasing tone. Other members in the couch just busy among themselves gushing _how pretty their Mark-hyung is_ (Yugyeom), _where Jinyoung-hyung got this dress from_ (Bambam, not surprising), _how they would never see Mark the same after this_ (Youngjae, in his whining voice), and a high-pitched _shimkooong_ from Jackson. Totally unaware of the life-changing situation Mark just experienced mere feet away from them.

Mark couldn’t breathe. His brain was freezing and his mind was totally blank. He was so sure it was only a figment of his drunken head playing trick on him. _Because this cannot be happening. Where is the Jaebum who smiling sheepishly at him just yesterday when he was caught staring at Mark’s canine smile a little too long? This is totally a different Jaebum altogether. And just how many layers this person could probably have until Mark could see its core?_

“Now, breathe Mark. Wouldn’t want your pretty little-self fainting in your birthday.”

Mark furiously exhaled and inhaled greedily as Jaebum gave his final stroke on Mark’s jaws, then proceed to approach a still observing Jinyoung leaning on the wall behind them. Through the hallway mirror Mark saw Jinyoung carefully masked expression turned into full-blown knowing grin.

“Burn that dress Park Jinyoung. You heard me.”

“Not even a thank you? Fine. You’re most welcome, Jaebum-hyung.”

When he woke up the next morning, Mark realized it has been Jinyoung ploy all along. The birthday bash, the drinking game, and the little black dress. Huffing to himself, Mark was struggled to admit to himself that Jinyoung helped him. The Park _fucking_ Jinyoung. And Mark recognized a gift when he got it, there was no way Jaebum would became his (fast!) at the rate Jaebum was going back then. Opposites of Jaebum relationship with Jinyoung, Jaebum seems taking a very slow step with Mark. They were dancing around each other for too long already at that time. _Eight months and counting._ Prefer a sneaky glances, and lingering touch, and even more teasing banter with each other. To say Mark was frustrated, is another thing. _Mark was beyond frustrated_. He dreamed of Jaebum attention on him for so many years. Now Jaebum _finally, **finally**_ out-grown his favor in Jinyoung, Mark just wanted to grab Jaebum and locked both of them in his room, then flushed the key away. And it turned out that, the person he wanted Jaebum hidden away from was the very same person that helping Mark to make Jaebum his.

Even after helping Mark reaching his happiness like that, Jinyoung is still the same Park _fucking_ Jinyoung, always mess with Mark, teasing him with his closeness with Jaebum. Using their fans to further boils Mark already bad blood with him, by encouraging a JJP moment in many of their fan-meeting. Mark is well-aware that JJP is the famous shipping in the fandom. Jinyoung likes to rub this on Mark’s face whenever he can. And by default, Mark never think he could beat Jinyoung whenever Jaebum unconsciously defending Jinyoung.

“Stop with the JJP thing already. The fans already got the two of you exclusively for one and half year during Bounce. I’m sure they are satisfied now and looking for new amusement. JJP shipping is sinking or whatever, I saw it on my twitter I swear.”

“Huh? What JJP thing?”

“That glance and nod, why the both of you even needs to check on each other answer or confirms each other approval like that? It’s not like both of you joint at hip or something. You are your own person, right?”

“It is in Jinyoung nature, Mark. I couldn’t just turn the habit off just because you couldn’t understand the _deep_ of our friendship. You better learn from him to mask your emotion. He is the best.”

That _deep friendship_ again. _That. Again._ **Mark was so done.**

The opportunity to win over Jinyoung and get Jaebum to declare Mark is better than Jinyoung, that Mark is the best, haven’t come up until their very first concert. Choosing to perform Me Gusta Tu over Dumb Dumb was one of the best choice Mark ever done in his life. Performing Dumb Dumb means Mark must wear the humongous maid costume that far from revealing anything since the red costume would swallowed Mark’s lithe form in an instant. Me Gusta Tu lavender dress would suit him more. It was short ( _very!_ ), form-fitting ( _especially in his now-starting-to-develop muscle chest_ ), has a sailor neck line with a huge ribbon in the chest area ( _it gave Mark a boobs illusion_ ), with a calf-high white socks ( _to emphasize the innocent_ ), and the best was the blonde wigs that styled into two parts low ponytail in each side of Mark’s head. Jaebum is going to bat-shit crazy seeing Mark in this kind of outfit. The epitome of pureness and innocent, which was no longer fit to describe Mark self at that time.

The down point was, being exactly in the same outfit and performing the same song with Park _fucking_ Jinyoung, it means Mark should give an extra effort to be more than Jinyoung. _More in every aspect_. This was Mark’s chance to beat Jinyoung head on, and making Jaebum admit Mark’s victory. After the first performance, on which Jaebum sadly had to sit out from, Mark casually stalked twitter to see fan-taken photos of his cross-dressing performance. Mark was laughing out loud to see that this time, Jinyoung was clearly at disadvantages. Jinyoung’s muscle mass was obviously bigger than Mark, and wearing form-fitting dress like that makes Jinyoung muscle popping out in odd place of the dress, _in result_ , making Jinyoung looks like a pregnant Ahjumma instead of pretty young lady.

“What are you laughing at, Mark-hyung?” _Speaks of the devil._

Mark showed Jinyoung his phone, “I don’t know you’re pregnant Jinyoungie~” .

“Shut up, Hyung. Look at how boyish your move was! I was at least graceful enough to be passed as a lady.”

So, Mark _learned_ and **_learned_** how to move graciously like Jinyoung said. After rounds of concert, finally he mastered the moves. He really missed Jaebum during his recovery time. With Jaebum temporarily moved back to his parent home, Mark was not seeing Jaebum at all, even in between concert down time.

At the first chance of them rooming together in Singapore, Mark stole his Me Gusta Tu outfit and purposely left dinner earlier to prepare himself before Jaebum came back to their room. Mark waited in front of their bed, sitting demurely with both of his hand placed in graceful manner above his lap. This sight was the first thing Jaebum see upon entering the room. Fortunately, he was alone. By the way Jaebum lost his grip on a food container he brought with him, and the way he filmed what Mark did to him all night long, safe to say Jaebum was more than liking it.

“No. No. Mark, who tell you to stop? Keep going!” Mark was loving whenever Jaebum got frustrated like this. From his position above Jaebum, Mark got a front row VIP view of how Jaebum’s face drawn in pleasure as Mark slowly moved his hips up and down like this. Mark stopped his vertical movement and opted to roll his hips in circle. Skirt bunched up at his waist, his thong only shoved aside by Jaebum in his haste to penetrate Mark. Jaebum’s grip on his ass tightening as the circling movement made Jaebum shoved even deeper inside Mark’s very wet hole courtesy of the lube and Jaebum’s seed from previous round. This is their third round in succession within 2 hours. The outfit was really riling Jaebum up, combined it with the time they spend without each other, it was a recipe for a great marathon sex.

The first round was when Mark sucked his boyfriend off on his knees while Jaebum standing tall and brooding in his stage outfits. Hair still up, slightly mussed after the concert, and it only made him even look more appealing to Mark. Jaebum, _the bad boy version_. It was somehow very fitting to the role-play, where Mark is an innocent little girl and Jaebum is a dangerous wolf that lured a pretty little thing into his cave. One look at Mark outfit and somehow submissive position, the wild thing inside Jaebum seemingly in tune with Mark imagination. Jaebum crossed the room with four long strides and catched Mark jaw, squeezing it upwards so Mark would look at him.

“Aren’t you pretty baby? Waiting for me here, all neat and demure like a good girl you aren’t.”

Mark whimpered. He really missed this bad boy version of Jaebum. It took him a long journey and a lot convincing for Jaebum to change his careful way in handling Mark to the real Jaebum here. Mark learned that sometimes Jaebum needs to unwind from the tenseness of his leader-ly responsibility. And that’s when Mark comes to rescue. Jaebum wouldn’t intentionally lose control on Mark like that. It is Mark who should provoke Jaebum aggressive side to come out and play. There were plenty things that had proven successful trigger, and the most effective thing is this damsel in distress role-play.

Jaebum might be the one who initiate it, roughly positioned Mark head in front of his straining bulge forcing Mark to nuzzle his face to Jaebum’s still clothed erection. But later, when Mark licked off the trail of saliva connecting his lips and the blunt of Jaebum cut dick, proceed to cunningly kitten lick Jaebum’s barbell piercing below the head of his cock, Mark never felt so superior. His eyes was purposely preening up under his false lashes, while biting his reddened and swollen lower lips.

“Am I pretty, Jaebummie?”

“Yes, of course Baby. Now go on, suck that dick.”

 “How pretty?”

“For God-sake Mark, put that damn mouth on my dick. Right now!”

Pouting more insistently, “How pretty Jaebummie?”. Mark sucked on the barbell lightly.

Jaebum let out a frustrated growl, “Prettiest in the entire universe, Baby. Please.”

Mark played the barbell with his tongue, “Even prettier than Jinyoung?”

Jaebum sighed, he yanked Mark’s head into his cock making Mark choked on his dick.

“Yes Baby, prettier than Jinyoung.”

When minutes later Jaebum were purposely comes all over his face, _which Mark really hates_ , Mark couldn’t help but grinning at Jaebum who repeatedly apologized for “ _not aiming rightly_ ”. Mark didn’t care, he got the declaration he wanted.

 **Hello universe!** The final score is Mark Tuan 1 : Park Jinyoung 0. Mark wins. _Finally!_

 

 

#

 

 

The early stages of their relationship is not easy. Just like Jinyoung said they’re hopeless. They haven’t reach this Comfortable Silence stage of their relationship yet. Actually, they are crawling from the teasing part of friends-turned-lover, to Jaebum insistently praising Mark on camera, to this Comfortable Silence they are now on. Time after time, Jaebum never fail to prove his love to Mark, even going out of his way to compose a song for Mark that thankfully well-loved by their fans too. Sure Mark is touched by Jaebum’s gesture that write Prove It for him, _but reading the lyrics.._ Mark doubt that the extent of Jaebum feeling towards him is as deep as the song sounding. Mark doubt that Jaebum is also questioning Mark’s feeling for him, just like in the song.

Mark first heard of this song was through Jaebum softly humming voice on the top of his head. They were both laying by their side, spooning with only sheet covered the bottom half of their body. They were both staring out of the glass wall in their hotel room, enjoying the vast Hongkong city light in front of them.

> _Get close to each other just a bit more.._
> 
> _I hope this heart of mine can touch you.._
> 
> _Little more, little more, I want you baby.._

Jaebum’s tenor voice was soothing him. Mark was about to fall asleep when he heard Jaebum murmured into the back of his left ear, “This song is for you, Dear.”

Mark’s heart thrumming inside his chest, he didn’t know how to response. He couldn’t belief Jaebum made such a beautiful song for him. When deep in Mark’s heart, he always feel that their relationship is not equal, that he is the one who loves Jaebum more than Jaebum will ever be at him. A song that Jaebum personally writes the lyrics and has a hand on the composing. Mark himself also has several song that he dedicated for Jaebum. After all, See The Light and Let Me, both obviously talk about how he puts Jaebum on a pedestal, to be worshipped by a mere human being like him.

Remembering all his silent observation about Jaebum special bonding with each of their members, Mark always pondering what it is _so special_ about him that makes Jaebum wants to stay close to him, claiming Mark to be his boyfriend without much thought, without much courting before. Even go out of his way to take slow step in the physical aspect of their relationship in order to prove it to Mark that he is in for a long haul, that he wouldn’t go anywhere. **_Yes_** , a lot of time off screen, on screen, in front of their fans, Jaebum would praise Mark’s good looking face, deems him as a face genius. Even as further as denying a good-looking praise from fans, and redirecting it to Mark instead. Mark is proud that he at least could keep Jaebum’s interest in physical aspect, but how about Mark’s character? _Is Jaebum even liking the Mark beyond his pretty boy persona? The Mark before all the stage make up, flashy clothing, beyond the face?_

He knows for himself, his love for Jaebum is unconditional. After peeling Jaebum’s layer for so many years, Jaebum sometimes still surprise him with a new layer that Mark thought he already get to know all of it. And the new side of him, only making Mark fall deeper into Jaebum abyss. There is so much more to Jaebum, beyond his chic & sexy fabricated persona. Chic & sexy is what Management deemed suitable for overall Jaebum fierce and sharp outer look. When actually, a Bart’s lover, an avid gamer, a book nerd, a talented composer, an amazing dancer, an unpolished inspiring actor, and a wonderful singer are lurking beneath it all. Beyond Jaebum’s seemingly rude and cold demeanor, hides a good leader, a capable friend, a playful hyung, and an obedient dongsaeng. Mark already felt himself as a rich person and, _at the same time_ , selfish person, to hog all these version of Jaebum only for himself.

Mark wants to show the world that there's so much softness inside to Jaebum's cold demeanor outside. Mark wants to be the only one whom capable to invoke different reaction in Jaebum. Most of all, Mark wants the world to know that he, too, has a special bond with Jaebum, like what Jaebum possess with each of their group member. Mark tired of standing on the side while fans shouting a ship name, JJP or JackBum or YugBum or BBam or whatever else, when it is MarkBum that is real. The thing is, he himself even still hasn’t figuring out what kind of _special bond_ he shared with Jaebum. Other than, he is Jaebum’s boyfriend. Mark can’t be called as Jaebum _deep friend._ He couldn’t create a fun atmosphere whenever Jaebum with him. His games preference is not even similar to Jaebum. And Mark couldn’t choreographed a dance to save his life with. He doesn’t share a similar music taste with Jaebum, while Mark could listen to Justin Bieber’s Love Your Self for hours, he couldn’t stand to hear a repeat of Crush that is Jaebum self-soothing song. _So, what is the special bond he shared with Jaebum? Is there even one?_

For so many of their differences, Mark is afraid. _For how long this pretty face is be able to hold Jaebum’s interest on him?_ After all, they need more thing to talk eventually. They couldn’t spend the entire time during their relationship with Comfortable Silence. They also couldn’t spend their time with only fucking, kissing, or sucking. Because in conclusion, after Mark observed for a while, these two activities are the only things Mark & Jaebum did on their time together. There’s a pattern to it. Although Jaebum is not made it too obvious, their interaction always lead to or start with an intimacy. Be it starting out as both of them listening to the music together which Jaebum usually proceed to humming the lyric for Mark while making sweet love together. Be it starting out with Jaebum mad at something Mark didn’t aware of, accusing Mark flirting with someone, proceeding to kiss the light out of Mark in the closet room of some Music Show, and ending up with a cuddle session inside their vans. It always like this, a circular event. There was time when Mark questioning if Jaebum only in this for the sex, and then every time Mark started to think like this, Jaebum would suddenly limit their intimacy into cuddling and innocent kissing. Mark has always been so confused during his relationship with Jaebum. The hot and cold. The unknown scene. Mark couldn’t predict anything, couldn’t stir the relationship into a more ordinary level, where it is not always Jaebum who got the upper hand. Jaebum seems to know what makes Mark tic like the back of his hand already. When Jaebum is still pretty much an enigma to Mark.

Most of the most, Mark wants people to ship himself with Jaebum. So, during If You Do till Fly promotion, Mark tried to initiate public interaction with Jaebum. Like the one where he surprised Jaebum by interrupting Jaebum’s talk in their Hotel Room V-App with rubbing his cheek against Jaebum and grinning toothily together. Or like the one when he absentmindly mentioned their favorite restaurant ( _where they had their first public bathroom sex in_ ) during the first GOT2DAY, catching Jaebum off guards and flustered. Or that one time in fan-meeting where Mark boldly grab Jaebum’s ass, earning a scolding and rough-housing from Jaebum instantly. These simple gestures, albeit not stirring a big reaction like when Jaebum was saying I Love You to him on ASC or when Jaebum publicly proposed to him by slipping a fake ring onto his finger during Real GOT7, enough for Mark. With these simple acts, Mark too, has stake his claim on Jaebum. _For the world to see_.

Mark wants to be everything for Jaebum. Mark wants to be his cheerleader like Jackson. Mark wants to be a brilliant dancer who Jaebum endlessly praise just like Yugyeom. Mark wants to be an obedient Dongsaeng whom Jaebum fond of, like Youngjae. Mark wants Jaebum to rough-housing him without much thought, like he does with Bambam. Mark envies the way Jinyoung could communicate with Jaebum through their eyes or small gesture. Mark can’t even be the Hyung he should have been to Jaebum who several months younger than him.

 _Mark wants too much, but achieving nothing._ Their “Comfortable Silence” is mocking him, because in fact his brain never stop pondering the possible answer to similar question that keeps repeating inside his head, **“What am I to you, Jaebum?”**.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> >>>> END NOTES <<<<
> 
> My very first fanfiction after seven years become an avid reader of LJ, AFF, and AO3. Hundreds title I’ve read, hundreds author I’ve interacted with, yet I found someone who lit the fire in me to be brave to start writing, just recently in this fandom. This fanfic is dedicated to my dear GOTCHICK. You inspired me so much dear! I started writing this after I left a comment in your ask account, then BAMMMM, I cannot stop. And here, 8 hours later I’ve finally finished this. Thank you so much! Like you’ve said, writing about them make me understand their traits more, and in result makes me loving them more. =)
> 
> Shout out to @onionleader (i don’t know your pen name here), the most productive tweet-fic writer ever! Seeing you explored so many idea daily, encourages me to at least try it first. Be damn with the quality, LOL.
> 
> And many thanks to @GOT7jjai for allowing me using her Prove It translation in this fic. ^^
> 
> For my reader, this is not the end guys. I plan to write the continuation in Jaebum POV. But I won’t be updating fast. Actually I think, the fanfic could be ended like this. Let’s just say the Jaebum POV only a bonus. =p


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